Tuesday, December 5, 2017
Written by Mistress Evilyne
On the coat tails of My last blog post, 50 things they never told you about being a Dominatrix, I received a lot of feedback asking Me to write a similar list for submissives wanting to get into visiting professional Dominatrices. It can be a scary and confusing experience throwing yourself into the world of kink, and there are many blog posts and forums axed towards lifestyle kinksters out there. But what if you don’t want to get involved in the scene? What if your job or personal life prevents you from doing so? Then this blog post is for you. I hope that this advice will be useful for you, helping to guide you into not making the same mistakes so many others have before you.
Read below to find out the essential 50 things they never told you about seeing a Dominatrix
Experience trumps looks
So you’ve never been to see a Dominatrix before, and you’ve finally decided to take the jump. A quick google search has brought up some amazing hotties who look straight out of a centrefold. Stop right there and think for a second. You’re not going to shag whoever you go to see. Being a Dominatrix is about skill. What you are looking for is a Woman who will know how to get into your head, know how to do some stuff which can be pretty dangerous and not mess you up in the process, and most of all, be sound of mind and body. A Domme/sub connection is about so much more than looks! So bookmark the hotties, by all means. But don’t stop there. keep looking.
Being horny will fuck you over
Following up from My last point, My advice is basically this: Have a wank before doing your research! When looking for a Mistress, you want to have a clear head. So don’t go on your internet search when you’re horny, because we all know that when men are horny, they lose the ability to think straight, and they get themselves into lots of trouble.
It’s important to know what you want
If you’re thinking of going to see a Dominatrix, it’s because you’ve got some kinky tendencies. Take the time to write down a list of things which you think might interest you and things that you definitely don’t want to do. If you have no idea, sit down and have a think about what sort of stuff you like to see in porn, magazines etc, what you think about when jerking off. Think about what really turns you on about Femdom. Is it losing control? Is it the humiliation factor? Maybe it’s just the taboo kinkiness of it all. Whatever it is, I really can’t recommend enough to take your time and have a think about your motivations. It will really help you streamline your Mistress search
Matching interests is what it’s all about
So you’ve had a good long think about your motivations, interests and limits. Great. Now you can start reading websites properly and looking at if various Ladies match up to the approach you would like them to take towards Femdom and also if they are into the same sort of stuff as you.
It’s better with friends
In the modern days of the internet, you no longer have to be alone in your interest in kink, even if your life doesn’t allow you to enjoy it at your leisure. I can’t recommend enough joining Fetlife (a sort of facebook for kinky people) and twitter. So think of an online alias you want to give yourself, and find a picture which you think represents you (for the love of god, don’t use the egg as your twitter profile picture). This will not only allow you to connect and interact with Dominatrices online, but also with fellow submissives. One of the saddest things that I have noticed about some of My clients is that they are all alone in their love of kink. They have nobody to talk to about it, nobody to share their experiences with. Making friends who understand you and what you are about is pretty much the best thing you could ever do for yourself.
You’ll regret flying Ryanair
Seeing professional Mistresses is indeed an expensive habit, so it can be super tempting to go for the cheap one. I’m going to explain to you why this is a really bad idea. Being a Dominatrix is really expensive. I have spent tens of thousands on equipment, furniture, outfits etc. I also rent a complete apartment just for My playspace. Hence, I need to ask for high prices to make it worthwhile. The Lady who charges half what all the other do likely just sees what She does as a money earner and nothing else. She knows that by undercutting the competition, She will get lots and lots of customers, and she most likely doesn’t give a rat’s arse about their well being etc. She will most likely not be well equipped and also not have a clue what She is doing. After all, if She was good at what She does, She wouldn’t have to cut Her rates to attract clients, would She? So start a kitty, put a little into it every week, and save up for what will be a mind blowing experience rather than splurging on tosh.
The web is an amazing resource
We all leave a trail, and that includes Mistresses. If there is one who piques your attention, google Her. Check Her out on all the forums. Have a look at Her twitter. There will most likely be reviews left of Her on certain sites. If there aren’t, you can still see a lot about Her, and learn what type of person She is. Read Her blog, look at Her twitter history, buy Her clips. Find out if She is the right person for you before taking the dive.
What’s hot in your head might not transfer well to reality
For a perfect example of this, click here. But to resume, some things are better kept to wank material. A good analogy for this would be rape fantasies. It can be super hot to imagine a stranger coming in through your bedroom window and forcing you to have sex with them. The reality though, is that if this happened in real life, you would end up traumatised, with PTSD, as well as some pretty severe injuries and maybe even an STD. So keep yourself in check and think hard about whether what you fantasise about is logistically possible and also whether it’s something that would actually be enjoyable at all. Back to the rape analogy, if you really do want that to happen, then be aware that it will be faked, within a predefined scenario that you come up with through communication with your Mistress, and that you will have been clear from the beginning that you are fully aware that this is fantasy play and that you don’t want the actual thing.
Politeness will take you a long way
So now you’ve made your choice, and decided on who you want to go and see for your first Femdom experience. Please don’t make the stupid mistake of writing a one liner email along the lines of “Hi babes, when you open?” Just don’t. Take the time to write a polite introductory email. Start it off with “Dear Mistress/Lady/Governess/Princess/… “X“. Then tell Her how you have researched Her, how much you like Her, that you hope you will be allowed to see Her. Next go into an explanation that you are a first timer, maybe giving a little history of what you like about Femdom and how you got into it. Then tell Her about what you think you might like and dislike, mentioning that of course, being new to all this, you aren’t really sure. Basically, you are trying to present yourself to Her in a good light, to be polite and respectful, and to give Her as much information as you can. Hence point 3.
Cleanliness is next to Godliness
When you do finally go to your first appointment, think of it as a date. Dress smartly. Be freshly groomed and showered, smell nice. Sort out those manky toe nails. Brush your teeth. Basically, try to impress Her. If you can get away with it, shave your pubes too. Trust Me. Us Mistresses love a man who goes to the effort to shave his cock and balls for Us.
Gifts never go amiss
If you really want to make a good impression on your chosen Mistress, I recommend taking in everything that you read about Her from Her website and other sources and using that to buy Her a thoughtful little (or big, depending on your budget) gift to bring with you to your first session. Trust Me. It makes a world of difference.
You won’t always get it right
Despite all the research you do, you might go and see your first Mistress and have a terrible time. Don’t let that put you off. It’s just that you two didn’t match. Try to see the positives. You are now that much better educated and know what you don’t want, which will help you make more informed decisions in the future. It might happen instantly, or it might take a really long time. But whichever it is, if you keep on searching you will eventually find the right Dominatrix for you.
There’s this thing called subspace
Sometimes, when you visit a Dominatrix, you end up in this strange alternate reality. The scene is going to well that you completely lose yourself in it and almost feel drugged. You’re walking on air, and everything is amazing. That’s known as subspace, and if it doesn’t happen, that’s OK. But if it does happen, that’s great! Enjoy it, but don’t go chasing it. It comes when it comes. You can’t force these things.
There’s a thing called subdrop
It’s directly linked to subspace. Just the same as you feel down after taking ecstasy, you will have a drop after the high of subspace. It can make you feel depressed and lonely and is not very nice. The thing to do is always plan for it. Whatever makes you feel good, make sure you will have access to it after a session. Whether it be hot chocolate and cake, or going to get a massage. Do your thing and ride out the drop. You’ll be just fine.
There’s a thing called subfrenzy
So you’ve had your first session with Mistress SoAndSo and it was AMAZING! You are completely elated, and know that you have found the One. You’re already starting to plan your next visit, and how you are going to become Her personal slave and maybe even Her boyfriend… after all, you DEFINITELY felt a connection! Stop right there. It’s the Mistress’ job to make you feel amazing. Please always remember that as much as a Mistress may be enjoying Herself, it is a job, and there was a transaction between the two of you. So since She did such a good job, do by all means keep going to see her. Spoil Her with gifts because She deserves it for being so awesome at what She does. But don’t throw yourself into worshipping Her like a Goddess and planning to abandon your current life to serve Her. Take a deep breath, enjoy the giddiness, and look forward to your next session. I wrote a blog post about this type of behaviour recently. You can read it here.
Dominatrices are people too
She may be the object of your fantasies, but doing that is Her job. A Dominatrix is first and foremost running a business and also has a life outside of being a Mistress. Therefore, She won’t always be available to instantly answer your calls/texts/emails, She won’t necessarily be able to be ready for a session or camming at a moment’s notice, and most importantly, She has feelings, and ups and downs just like everyone else. So be respectful and always keep that in mind.
You will leave a trail
What I said earlier about how Mistresses leave a trail on the internet, the same goes for you too. So don’t go trolling people or being offensive in forums. You might live to regret it when you can’t get any sessions because nobody will go near you with a barge pole.
If it isn’t fun, it isn’t BDSM
If your Mistress makes you feel guilty, if you find your self esteem waning, or if you are being pushed to go beyond your limits on a regular basis, then run! You have fallen into the hands of an abuser. Remember, kink should ALWAYS be fun! If it’s getting too serious and affecting you negatively, it isn’t kink, it’s abuse.
Communication is key
Don’t be scared to tell your Mistress about how you feel. Don’t do it in the middle of a scene, but before and after sessions and via email, do communicate! Tell Her if there is anything that makes you uncomfortable, if you have thoughts and feelings about anything. Tell Her about how various things have affected you. Don’t bottle stuff up and then get pissed off because She couldn’t tell. Seriously, don’t do that shit. That’s the best way to fuck up any relationship, whether it be a friendship, marriage, or a D/s one.
Therapy is awesome
I personally recommend getting a therapist to everyone. So I thought I’d add it in here too. If you have never been to see a therapist, and think it’s all bollocks and you don’t need one, you are wrong. Everybody has issues. Whether it be self sabotaging, OCD, problems building relationships, or even something as simple as anxiety. Everything that you are today stems from the way you have reacted to things that have happened to you in the past, including your kinks. I am not saying your kinks need to be fixed, and that is not what therapy is about. But they are an expression of how you have dealt with certain things in your life. Therapy involves letting a person who has a very good knowledge of the human psyche guide you gently in a journey of self discovery, acceptance and most importantly, forgiving. Its also another fantastic example of a long term professional relationship, just like with a Mistress. Femdom can be super intense. So having someone who can help you navigate your feelings is a really awesome told to have in your life. Now I very often hear people bandy around the term “kink friendly therapist” as if any other therapist is going to be prejudiced against you for being kinky. That is complete nonsense. Any therapist of worth will be completely non-judgemental and see your kinks just as any other part of you. A useful insight into how your psyche deals with life. Another great thing about having a therapist, is that they will be able to help you stay balanced towards your kink life. Because everything in life is about balance.
It’s a service industry
You are paying this woman to fulfil your fantasies. As such, She is offering you a service. This should lead you to remember several things. Firstly, you should always be grateful to Her for seeing you,because She is under no obligation to. She could just choose not to take your bookings. Secondly, by accepting your booking and your money, She is bound to do what you asked for. So if you have discussed beforehand how the session is going to go (which you should have), then She should do just that. If your Mistress goes completely off track, She is not abiding by your transactional agreement. So if this happens, it’s time to find another Mistress.
Anything sexual should be approached with caution
Some Dommes have sex with their clients, but most don’t. Some give hand jobs, others don’t. Some allow you to lick them out, others don’t. And one thing I can guarantee you is that if you ask for any of these things, even to the ones who provide them, you’ll get “No.” as a response. Never ever expect sexual favours from a Dominatrix. If you are lucky, and you guys click, you might get a treat. But never expect it. If She does do anything sexual with you, it is Her perogative, and because She feels like it in the moment. Despite this being a service industry, Us Dominatrices only offer services We enjoy. And sexual services can definitely only be enjoyed on Our terms when We feel comfortable with it, and when We feel in control. If anyone asks Me to lick Me out, they don’t even get a session.
The devil is in the details… and not in a good way
The worst thing a Mistress can receive as a request from a potential client is an itemised list or scenario. Not only does this give Us no room to be creative, but it also leaves Us completely unable to satisfy you. If you go into a session with a perfectly defined idea of what you want, all scripted and every details predefined, nobody is ever going to be able to live up to that image. So the best thing to do is to forget about scenarios like that and just give a broad outline of what you are into and let the Mistress do the creative work. It’s just like going to a famous tattoo artist with an already drawn picture and asking them to copy it. It’s an insult. If you go to a renowned tattoo artist, you tell them a vague idea of what you want and let them create something in their own style for you.
Labels are for jars
Don’t get too caught up with having to label yourself as a slave/masochist/submissive/bottom etc. We all have fluid identities and you can be several things at once or halfway between one and another. So don’t sweat it.
Timeliness is of the essence
A Mistress expects you to be EXACTLY on time for your appointments. Just like a therapist, any time that you are late by is time lost. And just like a therapist, your Mistress will not open the door to you even a minute before your time. To ensure that you arrive at the correct time, plan to get there early. You can always stop off in a nearby coffee shop and read a book while you wait. But it would be silly to miss out on half of your appointment because you got caught in a traffic jam.
It’s ok to tip
If you had a really good time with your Mistress, it’s ok for you to leave Her a tip. I am certain that any Mistress will be grateful for it.
Limits are made to be pushed
Once you have a regular Mistress, put your trust in Her. Let Her gently push your limits and help you explore new things. That’s where all the fun is in kink. Who wants to watch the same boring old film again and again?
Nobody likes a corpse
When you are in session with your Mistress, don’t just lie there like a dead fish. Be physically and verbally responsive. How is She supposed to know what you like and don’t like if She is literally flogging a dead cat? The fun in a session is in the exchange. So let yourself get into it. Relax, and have a blast.
Substances and kink don’t mix
Sure, most Mistresses use poppers in sessions, and lots of guys love them. But don’t start trying to take illegal substances or getting drunk. Firstly, these things make you unpredictable and can possibly end up taking you to a really bad place mentally, and secondly things like alcohol thin the blood. So if skin is broken, you won’t stop bleeding.
There’s no need to rush
It’s all so exciting and overwhelming, and now you’ve had a taste, you want more, and more and more! Relax, take a deep breath, and remember that you still have your whole life ahead of you to experience everything. Take your time and rather than looking to what you haven’t done yet, enjoy what you are doing. You will naturally evolve towards trying other things and having new experiences. There is absolutely no need to cram everything into your first few experiences
An hour is only 60 minutes
One of My pet peeves is when someone contacts Me for a session and wants to do a huge multitude of things, all in one hour. If I am rushing around trying to tick things off a list, how do you think the session is going to go? Let Me tell you: terribly. So you have two options.Either swallow the bullet and book a longer session, or streamline your requests.
Nobody likes a name dropper
Unless expressly asked about it, don’t mention other Mistresses you have seen in the past, and what you did with them and how amazing they are. It is terribly rude. Whenever a client does this to Me, it always makes Me feel like he is trying to belittle Me, or give Me a bar to live up to.
She’s only your Mistress during the time you pay Her for
If you are a sissy or adult baby, or anything else, don’t write an application letter in character. You are conducting a transaction with another adult, so act like one. Play time is in the dungeon, not in the emails or phone calls.
Poor hygiene is rife
When you visit a Mistress for the first time, pay attention to the cleanliness of Her playspace and equipment. Even better, go and perv Her social media when you are doing your research, and keep an eye out for in session photos and videos. Is She using gloves and condoms? Is Her playspace tidy and clean? Pay attention.
Kink is not punishment
If you are thinking of going to see a Mistress because you have feelings that you need to be punished, you are looking down the wrong road. Don’t fall into the trap of self abuse. Because that is what it is. The difference between cutting or burning yourself and going to see a professional to be beaten half to death is only that you are paying someone else to do your abuse for you. So if you recognise yourself in this, know that going to see a Mistress is not the answer to your problems and it will only make you feel even more self loathing and alienated. Take a step in the right direction, and seek a true professional’s help. Find a therapist who can help you work through your feelings of self hatred. It’s the best thing you can do for yourself.
The best way to ingratiate yourself with your Mistress is by supporting Her financially
If you find a Mistress that you really like, and start to see regularly, show Her your appreciation by supporting Her financially and/or buying Her things that She needs. We don’t make as much money as We seem to, and every little helps. By supporting your Mistress, you are showing Her that you care about Her beyond the professional boundary, and that means the world to Us.
Discretion is your friend
My pet peeve is when a client arrives at My playspace and announces at the top of his lungs “GOOD MORNING MISTRESS!“. Do try to remember that what We do is frowned upon by regular people and as such, discretion is Our leitmotiv. That “Good morning Mistress” could be heard by the wrong person and end up with your Mistress getting evicted, or even reported to the press. So do be discreet!
The rules are her rules
You have your limits, and your Mistress has Hers. Always respect them, as you would wish to have yours respected.
Being a film slave shouldn’t be taken lightly
If you want to be a film slave, great! But be aware of the following points.
-Your videos will be on the internet FOREVER. Even if hooded, you will be recogniseable to someone who knows you well.
-You will necessarily be one on one with your Mistress. Often, filming involves a crew, and other film slaves. So forget personal sexy time (PS:I do film alone, so with Me it is personal sexy time)
-Filming is not like sessions. Scenes happen faster and are more extreme. Be prepared to be pushed.
A helping hand is always appreciated
Messy session? Why not offer to help your Mistress clean up afterwards? Simplez.
She doesn’t care what you look like!
Any worthwhile Mistress won’t care if you are tall and handsome of short and chubby. She understands that connection is deeper than just looks. So relax, and don’t try “seducing” Her with your first email telling Her about how good looking and athletic you are. It’s a waste of your energy.
Dick pics are the enemy
This goes for pretty much any woman, really. I just thought I’d mention this because men fucking love sending photos of their dicks. But you know what? Women hate receiving them. So do yourself a favour and just stop it.
You are not a loser
There is nothing less attractive than a groveling self deprecating loser. So stop that act right now because it’s the best way to completely alienate your Mistress. Have some self respect for god’s sake!
Marks can take a long time to fade
If you are into corporal punishment, always make sure that you have planned your diary accordingly for the few weeks after your session. A swimming trip with the kids after some heavy whipping might bring about some awkward questions.
Your work email address is best kept for work
Same goes with your personal email address. Start a kinky email address specifically for communicating with kinksters and Mistresses and opening social media accounts. And give it a different password from anything else in your life. Some people in your life might like to snoop…
There are many ways to support your Mistress
On top of supporting your Mistress financially, or if that is not doable for you, why not start a blog detailing your experiences? Write Her a glowing review and post it online or email it to Her so She can put it on Her website? Or make your social media account geared towards promoting Her. If you have a good skill set, offer to be of use to Her.
Longer sessions are advised
Although the standard is a 1 hour session, I personally advise you to visit your Mistress for 2 or 3 hour sessions. This gives Her the time to slow down and create a more natural flow to your time together, and also allows you both to chat during the session, getting to know each other more. Another aded bonus, is that if you end up doing an intense scene, it gives you the time to wind down from it still within the mood and feel of the session.
You might need to travel
Nobody can account for compatibility. It might turn out that the perfect Dominatrix for you is a hundred or more miles away. Don’t let that put you off. She’ll be worth travelling for.
It’s ok not to be attached to one Mistress
Some of you guys simply can’t stick to one person, and that’s ok. If you like picking fruit from every tree, and living a life of varied experiences, go ahead! But one thing you must do is be honest about that with the Mistresses you visit. We all know boys do the rounds, and We are cool with it. But when someone pretends to make themselves exclusive to Us and then buggers off to someone else, it’s more than a little vexing, and means that you are messing up any chances of ever seeing Us again.
Beware the snake with the silver tongue
Beware of the Mistress who after seeing you only a few times starts seducing you into being Her personal slave and demanding more and more from you. This can seem very attractive at first, but this woman will probably end up ruining your life. Take things slowly, and make sure you choose a Mistress who does too. Don’t let your dick lead you into trouble!!
A women who yields power with discretion
Long serving slut boy has sent Mistress Gail a text messages of a Wish listed session he wished to Play out with Mistress Gail.
Scouting Mistress Gail suburb the day before to find a suitable venues for Our /our sessions play to intervene at.
A coffee shop which would suffice my Mistress mischievous appetite and the ambience of being safe and discreet where my Mistress could scene and play to her heart content in public without drawing attention to herself as well as me.
Mistress Gail loves playing in Public and both of us/Us were in agreement that our screening and playing should always carry an element of mystery, and intrigue, in public.
Arriving for my session i am greeted by Mistress dressed in a black skirt and a cotton blouse with leather sandals adorning her feet.
i am transformed into my appropriate attire a black bra g-string and a tight black dress which hugs my body like a second skin my transformation is complete Mistress Gail instructs her sissy slut boy to put his normal street clothing on over his fetish attire.
A slave collar and leash is decadently placed around my masculine neck and leather gauntlets deviously play upon both my wrists.
Ready to leave sissy slut-boy ? Yes Miss i replied opening and closing the dungeon door behind Us/us and Mistress locking it.
Making our way to Our first designated destination We /we catching up on the in and outs of Our/ our daily lives arriving at Our/our first designation destination.
Parking the car in the parking lot i open the passenger door for Miss to climb out locking the car behind us my keys, wallet and cellphone are placed in Mistress handbag.
Entering the antique shop the coffee shop is located on the furthest end of the antique shop we/ We make our /Our way up a long narrow flight of stairs reminding Miss of the Uk and how narrow their staircases are in there homes.
Sitting down in the coffee shop We/we surrounded by the vivid colors of canvas that grace the interior walls of the establishment and elegant furniture of old which stand noble and proud in today era. Mistress leans towards me restraining my hands in front of me lighting a cigarette inhaling and exhaling as a whiff of smoke is blown into the air waiting for the waitress to arrive to take Our /our order.
The waitress arrives placing menus in front of both of Us/us I hear Mistress Gail say to the waitress he’s been punished for not taking out the garbage the waitress just giggled at my discomfort and the situation i am in leaving Us/us to read Our /our menus.
A short while later the waitress returns taking Our/our order it’s isn’t long and Our /our order arrives. Drinking my coffee slowly Miss looks me directly in the eyes saying once you’re finished your coffee sissy slut boy your are to go down on your knees in front of Miss and wait there until Mistress gives you further instruction sissy slut boy Yes Mistress I reply with.
i am no longer able to savour its delectable smooth liquid slowly as i love and adore serving My Mistress in public finishing my coffee with enthusiastic eagerness i quickly stand up walking toward my Mistress for Miss to release my hands from their bonds.
Immediately going down on my knees in front of Mistress good boy i hear Mistress say as Mistress stands up from her chair and restrains my hands behind my back sitting back down on her chair again.
Mistress notices the bulge in my jeans gently tapping my bulging erection with her leather sandal and then gently processed to apply light pressure with her sandal onto my bulging erection smiling at me as She watches my excitement and discomfort growing in public.
Mistress stretches her curvaceous right long leg in front of me to reveal her luxurious foot enthralled in its leather sandals worship it sissy slut boy obeying i comply kissing and worship Mistress foot with my hands restrained behind my back.That’s it sissy slut boy show Mistress how much you adore worshiping your Goddess feet in public sissy slut boy.Yes Mistress as Mistress lingeringly finishes Her coffee Miss frees my hands from their bonds again and restrains my hands in front of me.
The rest of the session can be read on my mistress blog
Maar dis beslis ni ek ni. Ek gebruik Hom baie in my ads op my blok ook.. En n mens kan duidelik sien dit is n man en beslis ni n vrou ni...ek is 110% vrou. Ek Herrin Sensua is beslis ni n man en ni ek op daardi betrokke foto ni..Ek is 4vt 3 lank en met n gewig van 53 kg. Ek het beslis absolute vroulike futures en is 36dd bust. En het ni nodig vir valsies of cupcake toppies and no were selfinflickted scares op my liggaam ni.. Due to. Excuse soos ek kani cope met live en geen substins laat my tick ni, ek glo ni daar aan ni.
The unconventional lifestyle of a Professional Dominatrix and the challenges within her own psyche.
Regarding her profession and the cultural conditioning mind fuck of unlearning everything that she had been taught to think in a cultural conditioned system
Out of all the Professions in the world I choose to become a Dominatrix finding bondage one of the most intriguing fetishes to work and a huge turn on for Me as a Switch in my home life and and the nativity thinking back that I was going to making a lot of money in this profession when I first started out.
“I am a mystery to myself a human jigsaw puzzle
with so many parts and pieces of myself that are unbeknown to me”.
Through careful evaluations of myself I start to discover
and understand the self that I am.”
Discovering along the way that my profession required a huge energy investment from me putting in the work to understand what Classical BDSM is all about ?
From a psychological aspects of what makes a submissive or slave or naughty boys mind tick over regarding their fetish fantasy that they have ?
How to work with another fantasies and fetishes. For Me there is nothing more physical exciting and amazing then watching another getting aroused through their fetish and knowing how to work with their fetish and which buttons to press.
How to understand the whole dynamic behind the scene and then all the other challenges that came along with the Profession on an individual level of the human being that taken on the Profession and Role of the Dominatrix.
My profession required a lot from Me to remain mentally Positive in my profession and on the days and months that work and sessions were slow.
I would experience a lot of self-negating talking from my ego mind, and shadow chipping away within my own psyche that I would politely pretend wasn’t there.
I started to notice that all my days were open to Me to do what ever I wanted to do with them.
Back then it was seen as what do I do to entertain myself with while I waiting for work and a sessions to come in ?
For the day and not to have the constant nagging factor of work and money in my head all through out the day and doing something else would slow down the nagging thought process in my head.
At first I was not aware of what I was doing just knew I needed to get a handle on this ?
First it was sewing and making fet gear and doing alterations on some of my fetish clothing when I first relocated to Durban and would sit in front of the sewing machine making clothing. Then it shifted to diversification of offering another services such as controlled ejaculation and Swedish massage.
Coming to terms with the fact that my profession required a lot of self discipline from Me in various aspects of my Professional life.
Mental and emotional positivity of how do I go about my day
Self Discipline and self motivations to get up and get ready for a new day when its quite and leave yesterday in the past and to just keep going and saying to myself for every no their a yes around the corner.
Self Discipline and Awareness with my Resources and how do I work with my cash flow on a weekly bases in a clear conscious and wise way regarding responding to my responsibilities my bills
Self Awareness of how do I work with advertising and marketing myself and my services and expressing myself with words and wording to market my work and Branding My Name Mistress Gail.
How are they to be bought weekly or daily figuring out that weekly worked more effectively for Me
Spending of Resources during the week
To become aware of my spending during the week as all the odds and ends during the week would add up to quite a lot of resources at the end of the week,
All these challenges and opportunities for Personal Growth and Personal development open to me and still thinking to myself those that work for a boss their lives must be so much easier then mine.
They don’t have to worry if no work comes in for the day they still going to get paid at the end of the month.
Yet I’m not the type of person to go yes sir no sir three bags full sir and keep quite to keep my job that just not who I am at the core of my being.
I speak my own mind and say what I feel inside me I express myself and to keep quite and live that way would be sheer torture for Me.
I beat to my own drum so best I embrace all the challenges I am experiencing as its gives me an opportunity to grow and expand as individual and human begin.
I’m not in that position in my life if I don’t work I don’t eat and I don’t live and that where fear comes into my profession and psyche of the Professional dominatrix and the human being that I am.
Next Question ?
Why is My Industry viewed any differently in the sense of the word they selling a product and providing a services and how many products must they sell to adds up to how much money they make for the month. That would be called a Rep.
Am I not selling a Product too ? Or am I not ? What am I actually selling and specializing in ? I am providing a service and specializing in Human Sexuality and Eroticism is this view as both a Product and services ?
So therefore then Am I a Service Provider providing a BDSM Fetish experience for another to explore with Me ?
I am working with fear, anticipations, expectation on a weekly bases and now I am experiencing the same thing within my own psyche is this what its all boiling down to Gail in your profession ?.
How does one work with this dynamic of Fear in ones own Professions life on a daily bases.
How does one remain real authentic and true to oneself in the progress while dealing with this emotion called Fear in one Professional life ?
What is fear really?
Where did it come from?
Why is this emotions Here ?
What can this emotions do to Me as a person and individual.
How do I work with this emotion ?
How do I overcome this Emotions ?
How do I see this emotions for what it Real is ?
What does Fear have to teach Me regarding Myself ?
How does one conquer this Emotions within my own psyche ?
I have this epiphany of Freedom within my profession to do so many other things and the journey of exploration to explore so many aspects of myself and when I look at the word today I giggle at this word as breaking down the word down you get free- dom.
How Ironic is that an opportunity to become a free dom. Regarding all these challenges I am experiences and to conquer and overcome all these challenges in my own life while I am being a professional dominatrix.
How interesting and exciting is that to discover about yourself being S in the cash flow quadrant. Self Employed and discover all these opportunities open to you what a gift and blessing to have.
Then comes the Professional challenge as a Service Provider dealing with that conflicting word that all of us carry within our Human Nature EXPECTATION.
Every client that see you has some form of Expectation regarding the BDSM Services you provide as a Service Provider and this EXPECATION is not a conscious one its and unconscious one that only become conscious after the session they have experienced with you.
As the Ego mind then integrates the session and its experiences afterwards and comes to it own conclusion regarding the session with no feed coming back to the Service Provider to improve her services. Which always makes Me sad in more ways then one.
That why the email that went round was the best thing since slices bread as any form of criticism in what ever form is a Positive one for Me as I see myself as a painting a canvas of one that constantly evolving growing and expanding all the time.
With the realization that this is all about Me the human being that I am and how I can grown expand and become more of who I am at a soul level.
Others have the EXPECATION that you must be in full Dom-mie Roleplay mode and you start the session and the individual your are playing with sits with a mouth full of teeth in the session and out the window goes all the spontaneity of creative role play that could have been experienced by both parties had he responded for you to combined this into the session.
Others have EXPECATION that your whole home must be a dungeon and that you should be living and breath BDSM 24/7 with No other personal interests regarding the the individual person and human begin you are and that you don’t have a normal life due to the profession that you do.
Those are all you own thought process and projections that you have regarding a Professional Dominatrix.
They are not the thoughts or experiences and challenges of a Professional Dominatrix.
Another is you can’t please everyone as a Service Provider some will like you and some will not.
Its about building a solid foundation of repeat work and developing a platonic relationship with your clients
Others have no realising that you have chosen to live both lifestyles a unconventional lifestyle as well as a conventional lifestyle.
Yet the most entertaining and interesting aspect of all this is that unconventional lifestyle meets conventional lifestyle in ones own home life doing the same dance between the introvert and extrovert that all of us are in all aspect of our lives.
When one BECOMES ONES OWN private investigator of your own self 24/7
you become aware of some many things regarding yourself that you where not aware of in all aspects of your life and your Profession shows you where you can heal grow and expand on a daily bases.
For instant the questions I presented to myself the awareness that came to the forefront regarding work, money, people, human sexuality, fear, expectation, self discipline, self awareness regarding all the challenges surrounding my work and profession.
Slowly but surely I started to unlearn everything I had been taught to think about work, business, and money, through spiritual counselling and was given tools that I could slowly integrate and utilize in my everyday life.
A client was no longer seen as Money alone a Session was now integrated and interpretative as work and resources.
When work and resources comes in I will respond to my responsibilities of paying my bill and knowing that my faith in sources would make it so and that all my needs would be meet.
I do choose who I see I listen and ask questions first before I give my details out.
That fear itself was an emotions of fight or flight that fear itself was
false evidence appearing real or facing everything and rising.
That fear was an emotion to work with and not be frightened or scared of the emotion that when I became fearful of something that I had to acknowledge the emotions to myself inside myself and not go into denial regarding the emotions and to ask myself what am I frightened of and then to share the experience with sources and would notice the feeling and emotions would be so intense inside myself.
That when I didn’t have money I would experiencing separations anxiety regarding money and how to work with all those emotions and the fear of separation anxiety surrounding money.
So to all of you that might of thought being a Dominatrix is an easy profession its far from it is a personal Journey of self discovery growth and healing and that I have come to conquer myself and not the world.
While doing my early morning yoga practices my mind lingered upon a session that had been booked later on for the morning a Role play Scenario of a naughty boy who had booked a session to see me at 9.30 am session.
What happens if he does not have his panties on when he arrived for his session ?
We/ we had been chatting on whats apps the day before prior to the session play and the exploration of wearing panties had come up in our/Our whatapps chat.
I personally enjoy scenarios that have been discussed and planned a week, or a day, or two, in advance as I love the feeling of having my participant in question in a more palpable state of being and eager anticipation and excited of what’s still to come a day, or week, before sessions play the mental eroticism taking place before a session like this is simply wicked.
How was I going to sneak the panties into the session and scene and take the sessions play and scene from there.
Panties Focus Gail stay in the now.
No Monkey Mind Now.
There’s only the Now.
The Now of the session has not happened or unfolded yet !
Finishing my yoga practices I walked to my closet and selected a pair of cream panties from my cupboard taking them into my Dungeon and placing them under the two pillows that lay on my bondage table.
Before jumping into the shower and thinking to myself I hope he’s wearing panties if not I will just simply have to slip the knickers into his pocket and take the session from there.
Showered dressed and ready for the session a knock is hear on my front door, pausing for a moment opening My front door to see the School boy
has arrives at his appointed timeline.
Hello Head Mistress Gail How are you Luke asks politely with his hands behind his back. I am well thank you Luke.
I see Julia has brought you to to My Offices Yes Ma’am. Thank you Julia for bring Luke to my Office.
Your welcome Ma’am you may leave now. Yes Ma’am
You know why you are here Luke ? I’m not sure why I am here Ma’am I was told to report to your office.
Follow Me Luke and i am lead into the Head Mistress office.
I believe you have a teacher note for Me Yes Ma’am I do.
Handing Mrs Goodman note to Head Mistress Gail my eyes danced around the room taking in my surroundings.
Head Mistress Gail is not alone Mrs Goodman is sitting on the chair directly opposite Head Mistress Gail desk and Head Mistress Gail is reading the note with a grave looking expression on her face.
Head Mistress Gail I have sent Luke to your office with this disciplinary note.
Yesterday he was caught in the girls bathrooms while the matric girls were doing sports.
We caught him while he was sniffing one of the girls panties three of the girls reported their panties missing
when they returned from sport practice I am sure he has something to do with it.
I suggest that you give him a good over the knee spanking
and perhaps six of your best while he is bending over the chair.
Head Mistress Gail looks up at me with a somber expression on her face.
What were you doing in the Matric girls changing rooms Luke ? I needed the loo Head Mistress and the boys toilets are to far away to walk to I was busting Ma’am.
Oh Really I find that simply hard to believe especially when you were caught red handed smelling one of the girl’s panties in their changing room.
How does wanting to use the loo equate to smelling one of the matric girls panties young man ?
Not sure Ma’am, Why are you lying to Mrs Goodman and myself here ?
you were caught red handed sniffing them that is why Miss Goodman is in my office today.
No Ma’am I didn’t !
Are you calling Miss Goodman a liar young man ?
No Ma’am you sure about that young man as you would be in serious case of hot water if you were implying so.
Yes Ma am no I was not Head Mistress Gail.
Panties have been disappeared out of the matric girls changing rooms for well over a month now and l am convinced you have something to do with it !
“No Ma’am i don’t please believe me i pleaded” to Head Mistress Gail. Don t play coy with Me young man
What’s that sticking out of your pocket boy?
Nothing Head Mistress Gail It by not means looks like nothing to Me Take it out of your pant pocket this instance !
Lord behold and what is that ! with a sheepish look on my face i reply with it’s one of the matric girls panties Headmistress Gail.
Mrs Goodman and myself knew you were the culprit all along and there’s the evidence in your hand to prove it.
Yes Ma’am you do realize this is a serious offense and theft of any nature is not tolerated in our School and students
who break Our School rules are disciplined for it. Yes Ma’am
Miss Goodman has selected the discipline and punishment befitting your transgression
you will be spanked over my lap first Our intention behind spanking you this way will be to make sure that all the blood around your bum cheeks rises to the surface of your skin as a warm up tenderizing your skin for your to receive a Junior disciplinary six of the best from Head Mistress Gail cane bending over this chair young man. Yes Ma’am.
Over My Knee young man ! Yes Ma’am Miss Goodman will not be leaving my office she will watching you take your punishment today as its a serious offense to lie to a teacher young man.
Yes Ma’am bending over Head Mistress lap I was spanked for lying to Head Mistress Gail and Miss Goodman for not admitting to stealing the matric girls panties.
A firm strong hand found itself on my bum cheeks making a loud clapping sound as each smack of Head Mistress hand left a hand print and tingling stinging sensation on my skin.
Gazing lustfully down at Head Mistress Gail’s well defined legs in stocking and patent shoes my bottom started to warm up from each smack that was administered upon both my bum cheeks
Both Head Mistress Gail and Miss Goodman smirked in delight at my discomfort and humiliations.
Of my lap young man drop your trousers to your knees for Head Mistress to examine what your bottom looks like from been thoroughly spanked by Me.
Yes Ma’am i wasn’t wearing any under-rods and as my trousers flew to my knees more evidence was revealed to Head Mistress Gail and Miss Goodman.
I knew I was going to be in even more hot water,
I knew it I heard Miss Goodman say looking at Head Mistress Gail a second set of panties not just one set there another set of panties under those panties a black lacy pair as well.
Three sets of panties found on you young man ? What do you have to say to Us regarding this ? i i don’t know Ma’am i stuttered what do you mean you don’t know ? No pleading your innocents now it seems ! No Ma’am blushing in embarrassment.
This stealing of yours has the appearance of a panty fetish to both Miss Goodman and myself and seeing as you love wearing those soft sexy silky lacy panties you will punished in them to teach you a lesson.
Your bottom has already been smacked my favorite shade of pink and now I am going to add another six more beautiful contoured lines onto your bottom with my dragon cane.
Our reasoning behind choosing the number six is as follows:
three for stealing the matric girls panties and another three strokes for lying to both of us regarding stealing them. This form of punishment is know as a Junior disciplinary punishment for the crimes you have committed. Yes Ma’am
Bend over the chair young man and you will count down each stroke delivered on your bottom backwards from the number of strokes going to be inflicted upon your bottom. Yes Ma’am.
With a menacing look in Head Mistress Gail eyes Head Mistress Gail bent her cane in front of me for me to see the flexibility of her dragon cane.
i bent over the chair in trepidation of being Caned quacking in my shoes and i was instructed to count down the caning strokes backwards for six to one aloud for both Head Mistress Gail and Miss Goodman to hear me.
How could I have been so foolish to wear the panties to school today I had been caught red handed for stealing the matric girls panties and my panty fetish was one that couldn’t be denied any longer and the sweet temptations of having those sexy soft silky lacy panties so close to my naked skin was far to irresistible to resist.
My thoughts swiftly interrupted by the cane stroke whooshing across my naked buttocks six Head Mistress Gail as the counting down has begun and a dense bouncing sensation of warmth and stinging is felt on my naked bum.
Another five to go young man I heard Miss Goodman say to Me.
Yes Ma’am are you sorry for lying to both of Us young man yes Miss Goodman I am very sorry for lying to both of you Ma’am.
Miss Goodman nodding looks at Head Mistress Gail and another cane stroke is placed across my naked bum five Head Mistress Gail.
I promise you Head Mistress Gail and Miss Goodman I will never ever again steal the matric girls panties out of their changing rooms again Ma’am.
Do you solemnly swear that you will never do this again young man yes Ma’am as another stroke contoured its line on my full exposed naked bum four Head Mistress Gail.
How do We know if he’s being truly sincere about all this I hear Miss Goodman say to Head Mistress Gail is he prehap not just saying this as he is getting punished for his indiscretions and scared that he might be receiving more punishment them the amount We have selected ?.
The server stinging on his naked bottom will serve as a reminder to never ever do that again.
Is that correct or not young man ? Yes Ma’am it is as the cane whistled through the air again marking my naked bottom with another line
and me flinching in pain three Head Mistress Gail.
Head Mistress Gail walked around to face me bending the cane in front of Me in a beautiful curved shaped arch and said I am going to make these last two strokes count with severity young man as the flexibility of the cane is extreme sever when I pull my arm back more to deliver the last two strokes to your naked bottom.
Yes Ma’am the second last stroked rained down upon my bare bottom two Head Mistress Gail as tears welt up in the corner of my eyes.
Miss Goodman the young man looks like he wants to cry I am sure he will no longer be stealing panties out of the matric girls changing room ever again.
I do believe Luke will be integrity with himself regarding his indiscretion as hes learning fast that this is no longer a laughing matter and a significantly serious offense.
I agree Head Mistress Gail Luke will certainly be conforming to Our school rules I heard Miss Goodman say to Head Mistress Gail as the last caning strokes found it mark on my naked bottom one Head Mistress Gail.
Your dismissed young man. Yes Ma’am sorry Ma’am